Oneiric Absorption Unit mk. II

101 Uses. 1 Rag. Infinite Containment.

This is NOT a rag. This is a Class-A technological textile woven under optimal conditions, designed by The Division of Liminal Reveries. The Oneiric Absorption Unit (OAU) is the world’s first portable vessel for psycho-pompic mold, emotional muck, and hypnagogic grime.

Primary Function:

Wipe your face. Wipe your soul. Remove lingering despair.

Certified For Use On:

Free-floating anxiety

Overshared memories from strangers

Guilt fog

Regret sweat

Hypnagogic residue

Forehead sheen

Worry buildup on mirror surfaces

101 USES INCLUDE:

Buff out a bad decision

Mop up tea spills

Smother the echo of something you should’ve said

Line your pillowcase to trap pre-dream static

Offer it to a passing shadow in a hallway

Catch loose thoughts that have teeth

Place under your tongue to savor the flavor

Patch a leaky pipe

Polish your third eye

Use it as a tourniquet for a broken timeline

Wrap around playing cards to imbue with power

Toss it into the corner of the room you don’t trust

Use it to wrap a gift for a friend

Hold it while crying to see which emotion it eats first

Wipe away somatic sand

Absorb the last three years of that one situationship

Dab your eyes after a psychopompic papercut

Fold it into a crane

Smother an echoing “what if?”

Clean the mirror before asking it questions

Absorb the guilt from a candle you blew out too soon

Whisper into it nightly. When full, burn under the new moon (outside).

Care Instructions:
Hand-wash. Do not bleach—unless authorized by a certified nocturne technician. Tumble dry on a low-frequency hum.

Warning: Absorbed content may become semi-sentient. Keep away from open portals and untrained psychics. This rag does not forgive, but it forgets beautifully.

Disclaimer: The Oneiric Absorption Unit  is a fictional artifact sold as a novelty item. All descriptions, uses, and classifications are entirely satirical and should not be interpreted as medical, spiritual, or metaphysical advice. This rag will not actually absorb your trauma, bind spirits, or repair fractures in the timeline.